


What's the Hold Up?

by dokidave



Category: South Park
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Hanukkah, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 02:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokidave/pseuds/dokidave
Summary: The boys are on their way to Token's cabin in Nebraska for a Christmas party. Craig is impatient.





	What's the Hold Up?

"Look at that snow guys!"

I gazed out the window to see fluffy white snow piling up around us. It rolled by like coulds as we sped along the country road. "It's pretty," I commented.

Cartman  _pfft_ ed and rolled his eyes at me. "What a gay thing to say," he spat.

I clenched my teeth and tried my hardest not to punch him in the face. I opened my mouth to bite a reply, but Kenny beat me to it. "Shut the fuck up Cartman. It's Christmas; he's allowed to be as gay as he wants. You know, 'don we now our gay apparel' or whatever."

Granted, it wasn't the best defense, but I was grateful for Kenny's backup. I was  _not_  going to let that fatass ruin my Hanukkah.

Cartman and Kenny continued to bicker, so I turned my attention back out the window. The white color was almost blinding against the sun. The only thing that separated the white expanse of land from the dull white clouds in the sky was the line of evergreen trees on the horizon. Ahh, the country…

My head slammed against the window as the car swerved dangerously. I cried out and pressed my hands to the sore spot on my forehead. "Stan, what the fuck!" I cried out, staring at him wide-eyed through the rearview mirror.

He hesitated; looking around frantically to make sure everything was still okay. "Sorry, guys, I hit a patch of ice. The snow it getting pretty harsh, I have to slow down. It's going to take a lot longer to get there," he explained. I could feel the car decelerate.

"Aw, what? You mean I'm stuck in this metal piece of shit with you three fags for longer than I already had to!" Cartman complained. He almost screamed, crossing his arms in a huff and glaring out his window.

Stan glared at Cartman through the rearview mirror for a second before returning his attention to the road. "If you don't like it you can ride in the fucking trunk!" he warned.

Kenny looked to Stan with a sparkle in his eye. "I don't mind! I'd looove to stay in here as long as you'd like~ As long as I can trade seats with fatass back there and be closer to Kyle…" he ended his sentence on a sweet note, glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

I cringed away from his stare and melted into my car door. "Please don't let him sit back here," I pleaded, giving Cartman the puppy dog look, even though I knew it wouldn't work.

Ignoring me, and the seatbelt laws, Kenny crawled over the front arm rest and plopped himself in the middle seat next to me, all the while Stan shouting at him to stop obstructing his vision. Now satisfied with his seating, Kenny leaned on my shoulder and clutched onto my arm, kind of like I'd expect a girl to. "Mm, Kyle, you're so warm~" he said, snuggling his head into me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily, probably not for the last time. "How far away is Nebraska anyway? Why does Token even have a house there?" I asked, trying my best to ignore the blonde leech.

Slowing down even more, Stan shuffled through some papers. "Well, according to Google Maps, it's about four and a half hours to Sidney, and we left about an hour and a half ago. At the speeds we're going, it'll take like… double the time. You do the math."

I groaned and glared out the window. Suddenly, I didn't find the snow quite as pretty.

I heard Cartman scoff disgustedly. "God  _damnit_ , guys! Can I move up front? Kenny's freaking me out! Could you _get_  any further into his lap!" he asked, disgusted.

"No, don't encourage him!" I cried, but it was too late. Kenny was challenged. He literally picked himself and sat back down in my lap. I squished against the back of the seat and my arms pinned to my chest. He was damn heavy for a kid as skinny as him. "Ugh, Kenny, get off me!" I whined.

He turned to face me as much at the minimal truck space would allow and pouted. "But… without your Jewish body heat, this poor little malnutritioned blonde will freeze to death!"

I tried to shove him off, but he was too heavy and my arms were at an awkward angle. "Look at that fatass over there; I'm sure he radiates more heat than I do!"

He brought a finger up to his lips in thought. "You're right." Cartman gave us a horrified look and scooted as far as he could into his door, as if he could escape. "But you're cuter than he is, so I don't mind your insufficient heating abilities. Its okay, Kyle, I forgive you."

I was actually speechless at that. The sheer stupidity of some people… just gets to me. "GET THE FUCK OFF," I shouted in his ear. At that he slinked away from me. At least he knew when enough was enough. I watched as he snuggled up to Cartman, just as he had to me. I had to admit, at least to myself, that it was hilarious. The almost sick expression on Cartman's face was priceless.

"You guys are idiots…" I heard Stan mutter from the front seat. I merely flipped him off and resumed staring out my window.

We rolled on for another two or so hours without major incident. I actually started to relax. Cars make me sleepy. I leaned my head against the window and flinched. I felt my forehead and there was a small lump from where I'd smacked it before. Cautious of my bruise, I laid back on the window.

As soon as I'd settled in, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I cursed every God in existence and ripped it out of my jeans. I glared at the little LCD screen displaying the name  _Craig Tucker_. I flipped it open and read his text.

" _Where the flying fuck are you guys? You were supposed to fucking be here by now."_

I rolled my eyes. Who knew he'd  _care_? I responded.

" _We left late and the snow is holding up the car. We'll be there in circa four hours."_

I shut my phone and held it in my hand, waiting for his reply.

It buzzed.

" _What the fuck is circa?"_

I sighed and rubbed my temples. I typed out a reply.

" _It means about, dumbass. We'll be there in about four hours."_

I shut my phone again. "Who're you texting, Kyle?" I jumped slightly at the mention of my name. "Is it your boooooyfrieeeeeend?" Kenny sang.

My face flushed red. "He's not my boyfriend, asshole! If he was my boyfriend, he would have kicked your ass a long time ago for constantly sexually harassing me!"

"But you  _want_  him to be your boyfriend," he said with a sly, definite note. He gave me a knowing look.

I scoffed and attempted to look pissed off through the heat in my cheeks. "As if. He's more of an asshole than  _you_  are," I said.

My phone vibrated again and I flipped it open.

" _Sorry we're not all in fucking AP Life."_

I gave a frustrated grunt and typed quickly.

" _Is there something you wanted, or are you just being your usual asshole?"_

"If you don't want his nuts, then how did you know who I was talking about?" Kenny asked. He somehow achieved that playfully serious tone that only Kenny McCormick can ever achieve. I can never tell if he's joking or not when he speaks.

Either way I felt my eyes grow wide. I tried to come up with a witty comeback, but it was stuttered. "W-well… Because I… he… you… You always make fun of me by calling him my 'boyfriend!'"

He waited a moment before saying anything, eyeing me suspiciously. He opened his mouth to speak, but I was saved by the buzz of my phone.

" _I want you to hurry the fuck up! I'm sick of listening to Clyde complain about how fucking bored he is. Plus, the power is out 'cause of the fucking storm."_

I busied myself with texting as slow as possible so that I wouldn't have to acknowledge Kenny's existence.

" _What does the power being out have to do with me?"_

I shut the phone slowly and clutched it for dear life, praying that Kenny had forgotten about me. The last thing I needed on this annoying as piss car ride was interrogation about my romantic interests.

Chancing a glance at Kenny, I heaved a sigh of relief. He'd decided to be merciful and go back to torturing Cartman instead of me. I'd never been happier to have Cartman around in my whole life.

My phone went off again and I flipped it open.

" _Because it's fucking dark and I'd rather feel my way around with you than Clyde."_

I froze at the wording and stared at the screen. He wanted to feel my… what? I shook my head and forced myself to think rationally. He's talking about feeling around the  _house_. Like  _walls_  and stuff.

" _Why don't you light some candles? It's a cabin for God's sake; isn't there a fireplace?"_

I could feel my hands twitching as I shut the phone again. What had I been wanting him to be feeling in the dark?

His reply came slightly quicker than normal.

" _A fucking candle lit taco dinner with Clyde? No thank you. Just hurry the fuck up and get here already."_

I couldn't help but flush a little. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and fiddled with my phone. Why was Craig so eager for me to get there? Did he miss me that much? Or was he really just that sick of Clyde's whining? Knowing Craig, he's probably just  _that_  sick of Clyde. But there's a part of me that can't help but wish that… maybe…

" _How sweet. Well, you'll just have to suck it up and stop being such a pussy because the snow is really bad. I'm not even sure it's safe for us to be out, so fucking be happy we're coming at all."_

I snapped the phone shut and sighed again. What should I do…?

My eyes suddenly grew very heavy so I closed them again. Just a little nap won't hurt anyone… It'll just be a few minutes… I vaguely felt a vibration in my hand, but I ignored it. I could answer it after my little nap.

I was shaken awake by cold hands on my face. "Kyle! Wake up!" I heard. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I don't even think I fell asleep! What could have possibly been so goddamn important!

"What do you want, Kenny? I was trying to fucking sleep!" I spat out, giving him the meanest glare I could manage.

He gave me a sympathetic look but held out his phone. The screen said  _16 new alerts_. "I'm sorry, Kyle, but you're boyfriend won't leave me alone! He says you're ignoring him? You're not giving him the attention that a healthy relationship deserves; if you're not careful, he might break up with you!"

I rolled my eyes and shoved him away from me. "It's been like two minutes since I texted him last. Why would he bother you? …And he's not my boyfriend! So he can't break up with me."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "No dude, you've been sleeping for like… almost three hours," he said, glancing at the time on his phone.

I shot up in my seat, fully awake. "What!" I exclaimed. How had I been asleep that long? I didn't even remember falling asleep at all! I scrambled for my own phone and looked at the screen.  _6 new messages_.

" _You're the fucking pussy. Why couldn't you just fucking come up with us? Nooo, you had to go with your faggy little fucking friends."_

" _No response, huh? I didn't think you were that much of a fucking idiot to not come up with a reply, Smartass."_

" _Still no fucking reply? Did you get in a fucking crash? Are you okay?"_

" _Kenny says you didn't get in a crash, so what the fuck is wrong with you?"  
_

" _You're fucking ASLEEP? Weak, dude. Just fucking weak."_

" _You're a fucking bitch, you know that?"_

I didn't even have the energy to reply to any of those, so I typed out something else.

" _So how's your taco candle date with Clyde going?"_

I waited almost a full three minutes for his response.

" _Fuck you, you cocksucker. It's not fucking going well at all. He's not pretty to fucking look at and he doesn't put out on a first fucking date. He's a real fucking bummer."_

Did… Craig Tucker just make a  _joke_? He did! Well, let's have a run with this joke, shall we?

" _I'm sorry to hear that, dude. I take it that means you do put out on a first date?"_

Again, he took a few minutes to respond.

" _Do you care?"_

I bit into my lip and furrowed my eyebrows. It had been a trick! A dirty trick!

" _No way! I was just rolling with the conversation. Why would I care what you do with girls on first dates? That's gay, dude."_

The minutes ticked by as I waited for my phone to vibrate again. I was nervous. I didn't want to get trapped into saying something I didn't want to say. Finally, the text came.

" _If you have to fucking know, I don't know what I'd do on a first date. …I've never had one."_

That honestly shocked me. Really,  _truly_  shocked me. With such a cute face and such a sexy… I didn't want to go there. But it was hard to believe he'd never been with someone.

"… _are you being serious? How is that even possible?"_

I sent the text and immediately regretted it. What if he thought I was being rude? Or worse, what if he thought I was hitting on him?

" _I don't date. No one's fucking interesting enough. And there's few things on this fucking planet that I'd willingly put my fucking dick into. Clyde is not one of them."_

That was both heart wrenching and hilarious at the same time. He doesn't date…? That's sad. But the fact that he's so dead set against his supposed best friend is funny.

Feeling slightly brave for some unknown reason, I send the next text.

" _What WOULD you put your dick into if you can resist the amazing sex appeal of Clyde Donovan!"_

I waited in agonizing silence for his reply, but it never came. Then the car started to sputter. It slowed and stopped in the middle of the road. "Uhm… What happened?" I asked.

Stan looked super pissed off. "The engine just died," he ground out through clenched teeth. "My dad is going to  _murder_  me!"

I looked out the window to the mounds on snow on the ground. It was almost up to the window by that point. "I don't think he'll murder you if you tell him what happened," I offered.

"More importantly," Kenny said, "how far away is Token's place? Because it looks like we're going to have to walk through this shit storm."

Stan shuffled through his papers again. "Looks like we're about a mile away. But it's a straight shot from here; all the way down this road," he said, pointing in front of us.

"Are you fucking serious! No way!" Cartman shouted.

We all ignored him, piling out of the truck. "Suit yourself. Freeze out here you bastard," Stan muttered, slamming his door shut. Cartman, of course, scrambled out after us.

"You guuuuys! Wait for meeee!" he whined, jogging up to us as we walked away from him.

We walked as fast as our frozen bodies would allow. It was so fucking cold. None of us spoke for fear our tongues would freeze solid. When we finally reached Token's door, I nearly cried. We ran up to it and banged our fists into it. The door swung open and we fell into the warmth of the cabin. We all laid on the ground, panting heavily.

"Uhh…welcome," came Token's voice. "What happened to you guys?"

We shook our heads in a "don't even ask" manner. I looked up to see Token, Wendy, Jimmy, Butters, Bebe, Clyde, and Craig. I picked myself up off the ground and pulled Stan and Kenny with me. Cartman could do it himself because I hated him. He muttered something anti-semitic under his breath as he got up.

We brushed ourselves off and greeted the crowd. It was still dark, so it was hard to see anyone's facial expression.

Out of nowhere, Craig attacked me with a giant, tight man hug. "What the fuck took you so long? Do you know how long I've been listening to Clyde  _talk_?" he asked. Man, it felt good to hear his voice instead of reading a text.

"Hey!" Clyde protested from somewhere behind Craig. Then muttered to himself as everyone slowly filtered out of the room.

Craig still didn't let me go, even as everyone left. He buried his face into my shoulder and it made me feel awkward. He held onto me tight, and I couldn't help but flush. His touch was so warm… I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see my face.

"I'm so happy you're here that I could kiss you," he said.

Of all the ever loving things he could have said… I sighed and looked to the ceiling for emotional support. Then I noticed…

I shifted uncomfortably. Should I point it out? What would he think if I did? What would he  _do_  if I did? To hell with it.

"Uhm… well… ehh…" I laughed nervously and shifted in his grip.

He brought his head up and gave me a suspicious look. "What?" he asked.

I gave another nervous laugh and hesitated before looking upward. He followed my gaze and then brought his eyes back to mine. He raised an eyebrow, but his face remained emotionless. Damn him for being so unreadable!

Then he did something that shattered my world. He made the butterflies in my stomach breed like fucking rabbits and my heart pound like a Native American drumming.

He kissed me.

And just like that it was over. It ended just as quickly as it had begun. And I was soooo happy!

My face was burning and my palms were sweating and I felt like running all the way back to the truck and then back to the cabin again, but he looked fine. He wasn't shaking or overheating. He was just Craig Tucker.

Craig Tucker took my hand and led me into the next room where the crowd was. Craig Tucker sat next to me on the couch. Craig Tucker spent his Christmas with me. I couldn't have had a better fucking Hanukkah.


End file.
